How to Choose a Therapist or Coach…

When you’re looking around for a therapist or coach, really look.

Be choosy.

In fact, before you decide on someone, meet with as many people as you can stomach. Interview 2 or 3 or 5 of us — more if you need to — and choose the one you feel most confident in. It’s an important decision, and the effort you put in up front to find the right person will pay off.

So how will you know when it’s a good fit? You’ll know. Here are some signs of it:

• You leave your first session feeling hopeful, even surprised
• You have the sense that the therapist really understood you
• You find yourself thinking things like “This person is really good… S/he can help me…” 
• You actually want to go back

If you leave your first session with these sorts of feelings, you’ve probably found a good match — at least one that’s worth pursuing further.

If you leave your first session thinking “Well, I guess that person was OK… And s/he came recommended, but…”— then you should probably move on.

Too many people stay with the first therapist or coach they meet, even when it isn’t a good match. They have little else to compare with, so they assume this is just how things are. But finding someone you feel good about often takes time and a little bit of effort (unless you get lucky on the first shot). 

Therapists and coaches are all different. Very different. Some say very little; others talk a great deal. Some ask many questions; others mostly make observations. Some suggest exercises and homework; others won’t suggest anything. Some use only one approach, others use many. 

Many of us — regardless of our credentials or background or good intentions — just won’t be a good fit. The key is finding someone you respect, connect with, experience as caring, and actually want to work with. To do that, you may need to kiss a few frogs. But it’s worth it. Engaging in deliberate personal work — with a guide who’s a good match for you — will change your life.